Rantings and Ravings: Volume III: 2.03.12, Polluted Super Bowl Memories

[bdeff]

The Rantings and Ravings of a Malcontented Loudmouth: Volume III: 2.03.12
The Polluted Super Bowl Memories Edition

At some point, this endeavor will consist of my actual reflections and how I dealt with the Steelers loss in Super Bowl XLV. However, this past Monday I had such a strange dream, that l I feel that I just can’t deny sharing it with my captive audience. Monday night, I dreamt I was at some random lake and at this lake I was swimming in a race. In this race I was competing against Justin Tuck and Jason Pierre-Paul of the New York Giants. Now everyone knows when a dream is concerned, you expect bizarre circumstances. This dream was certainly no exception to that rule, as JustinTuck and Jason Pierre-Paul were swimming while dressed in full NY Giants football uniforms: I, however, was adorned in a normal pair of swim trunks. I can’t recall the actual details of the race, but it seems that the race ended in a three way tie. At that point, the dream turns even stranger. The acting judge for the race was Angelina Jolie, but she was not Angelina Jolie, instead she was Angelina Jolie portraying her character, Evelyn Salt from the movie Salt (ED NOTE: The Movie Salt gets *1/2 out of ****). Judge Jolie... errr Evelyn Salt ruled that due to the circumstances of the finish, the race would be called a draw. The crowd (yes there was a crowd) booed upon hearing the results, and at this point Judge Salt began singing Yankee Doodle (HEY IT WAS A DREAM I CAN’T CONTROL THE SEQUENCE OR BiZZARE CIRMCUSTANCES OF EVENTS). Upon completion of her song, Evelyn Salt proceeded to guarantee a DOUBLE DIGIT win for the NY Giants in Super Bowl XLVI. Following that, I have no recollection of any other part of the dream.
(Ed note: I had viewed the movie Salt the previous evening and this could explain the possible appearance of Jolie in an innocuous dream. (Ed Sub NOTE: It was not the kind of dream that some of us used to have as teenagers, dreams where sheets needed to be changed the next morning…..))

*WAVING HAND* *SNAP*
“OH NO HE ISN’T TALKING ABOUT A WET DREAM INVOLVING ANGELINA JOLIE!”
(ED NOTE: If Angelina Jolie is reading this blog, Call me!)

So upon waking the next morning, I quickly began selling all my possessions to bet on the G-Men. I mean if Evelyn Salt (SPOILER ALERT) she of almost superhuman CIA powers, says, “BET ON THE GIANTS, I am guessing she is revealing some inside information or dirt, maybe she was tipped off by the CIA, maybe by the Illuminati who knows? But all I know is that Evelyn Salt told me to "BET BIG ON THE G-MEN!" There’s my inside dirt.

Ok back on topic….(“Yeah right” you are probably saying). It’s almost like that person who always breaks their promise when saying, “TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT!”

Sure everyone wants to talk about and recall the greatest Steeler Super Bowl memories! The Randle El Pass to Hines Ward, the Holmes Catch, the Harrison Interception, the Rocky Bleier catch, Bradshaw to Stallworth, Swann’s acrobatics, Joe Greene destroying the Vikings, etc. Those are treasured memories for sure, but ones discussed ad nauseam, instead today I choose to focus on the negative memories of Super Bowl XXX and Super Bowl XLV and how I dealt with those games and the lasting memories.

It seems impossible that almost an entire year has passed since Super Bowl XLV was played. A year! A whole year! As a child, I wasn’t very adept at telling time, so I learned to break time into thirty minute increments, I then compared that amount of time to a the time it took for a Brady Bunch Episode to air. For example, if something was to begin in 2 hours, I estimated that the event was 4 Brady Bunch episodes from beginning. SO I DIGRESS!!!! (BUT WHAT ELSE IS NEW?). What I am getting around to mentioning, is that in the approximately 17,530 Brady Bunch reruns that could have aired since that fateful day last February, I have watched exactly 0 minutes of Super Bowl XLV highlights.


So here they are! These are my complete recollections of Super Bowl XLV:

A Doritos commercial that made me laugh
Ben throws a pick six
Too many commercials about Detroit (Chrysler I think, might have had Eminem in them?)
Hines catches a TD pass
Greg Jennings catches a TD pass
Mendenhall fumbles
Ben’s last chance pass falls incomplete

Now I am assuming Aaron Rodgers was the MVP of the game, but I can neither confirm nor deny that fact until I check (he did). I am in no way exaggarating; I have absolutely no recall of anything else about the game. In fact, I can’t even remember where the game was even played. How I managed this selective memory is yet to come young grasshopper.

Where I should start is at this point: January 28, 1996. In my adult life I have suffered through two Pittsburgh Steeler Super Bowl losses (XXX and XLV). I can say that without a doubt, the Super Bowl XLV loss just doesn’t sting the way that the Super Bowl XXX loss did. Perhaps its simply the Dallas Cowboy factor in Super Bowl XXX. Maybe it was, that at the time the Steelers hadn’t won a Super Bowl in 16 years so the defeat seemed amplified. It could have been because that the loss was the Steelers first Super Bowl loss ever. Whatever the reason, the image of old horse faced Neil O’Dummell standing on the sidelines after throwing his second interception still haunts me to this day. Furthermore, I still feel that vomity feeling in my throat when I envision that turtle-headed Barry Switzer jumping up and down celebrating or Jerry Jones dancing. The image of a dejected Cowher, kissing his young daughter still nearly chokes me up. It still tears at me, that outside the first quarter of that game, the Steelers plain and simply dominated the Cowboys. The better team lost that day. My memories of that game are still dark and twisted and to this day they still exist in the deepest recesses of my soul.

Lets continue to dwell shall we???? In 1996 there was an undercurrent or disturbing feeling that followed that loss, it was feeling that the Steelers were entering a stage where they couldn’t compete for free agents and that the possibility (at the time) of the Steelers becoming the Pirates was all too real. Maybe it was Neil O’Dummell leaving town a week later. Maybe it was seeing Michael Irvin and Deion Sanders celebrating. Or maybe it was none of those things. Maybe it was simply just about me, possibly due to a lack of maturity on my part or my crappy job combined with a lack of a female “companion” for most of 1996. Those were dark times.

*WAVING HAND* *SNAP*
“OH NO HE ISN’T TALKING ABOUT HIS SEXUAL FRUSTRATIONS CIRCA 1995-96!”

In 1996 I handled the loss like many fans in their early twenties would, I pouted, I cursed and was I generally miserable for an entire month following the loss. When the loss occured in 2011, I vowed to be more mature and handle it using proper perspective, a perspective gained via 15 years of life experience. I vowed that I wouldn’t let the Steelers loss adversely affect my quality of life or how I interacted with others. All was going well for the first 20 hours after the game but unbeknownst to me, dark clouds were forming.

OK! Now I will readily admit, I avoided Sportscenter and Newscasts all day Monday, I listened to no sports radio, and I stayed away the internet. Inevitably the day following the game, if and when the topic of the Super Bowl arose, I simply took the high road and said, “No comment”. Relatively speaking, until the universe decided it was going to throw me an unexpected and unwanted curve ball all was going quite well. After navigating the day, reasonably well, at 9:00 P.M I tuned into Monday Night Raw and wouldn’t you know it? That very night, of all nights, the WWE was live from……Milwaukee, *($^%@!! Wisconsin!!! and the Packer fans were rampant and members of the Packers were even in attendance!

I snapped, all pretense of maturity and perspective went right out the window. I screamed, “YOU &$^!*^@!” at the television screen. Then I began swearing profusely while vowing vengeance against the ironic humor of the cosmos. At that point, a person close to me, interceded and she reminded me of my vow handling things in a more mature manner. So after much introspection and soul searching, I did exactly what I felt that any reasonable human being would do in such a situation…….. I locked myself in a hyperbolic chamber containing only a TV set, a VCR and The Complete Murder She Wrote VHS Collection (Seasons 1-12, 264 Episodes). I immediately popped in the first tape and hit play and began the long, hopefully soothing voyage of soul cleansing. I watched Murder She Wrote continuously with no interruption. The only exception was three times daily I would briefly pause my Murder She Wrote soul cleansing, and during that time, I would consume a textureless, colorless, flavorless, nutritionally fortified gruel-like mush. When I finished eating, I would once again resume my Murder She Wrote therapy. During that time, the time it would take to air 528 Brady Bunch Episodes (converted to 264 hours or 11 consecutive days), I stared blankly, silently without a single thought in my mind, as Jessica Fletcher (The main character in Murder She Wrote, portrayed by Angela Lansbury), slyly outsmarted dimwitted criminals on a bi-Brady Bunch(hourly) basis. My mind was completely shut down to all external factors, it was if the universe itself had become simply Murder She Wrote. Its was beautiful yet terrible, peaceful yet disturbing, it was the ultimate paradox.

murder2.jpg

After 11 days and upon completion of the final episode, episode number 264, I finally emerged from the hyperbolic chamber. I was 22 pounds thinner, incredibly wiser, and most importantly I was not in any way concerned with the results of Super Bowl XLV. It was as if the terrible loss now only existed through the wrong end of a telescope or in a distant dream. Yes the Murder She Wrote therapy was a success. I had purged myself of the Super Bowl loss, BUT AT WHAT COST? Somewhere around episode 113, I feel as if I had left a part of my soul and a part of me in that room. As an unexpected consequence, since that time, I still often find myself comparing other women to Angela Lansbury.

*WAVING HAND* *SNAP*
"OH NO HE ISN’T MAKING A VAGUE SEXUAL REFERENCE ABOUT ANGELA LANSBURY!!!"

I guess what I am saying is, boys and girls enjoy the wins, savior and treasure every minute of them. Lock the positive memories in your mindset so that you can not only see the highlight in your mind, but so that you are able to recall the moment of joy it provided for you. Take a mental snaphot!

Just as importantly, you need to find a way to work through the devastating losses. No doubt this process will vary from person to person. Maybe you are a pillow puncher; maybe you have a moment or moments with an old friend like Jack D or Jim B. Maybe you scream, curse or kick and scream. Just find something that works for you. For me, 264 episodes of Murder She Wrote worked surprisingly well, but I advocating such extreme measures without first consulting your physician.

READERS: *WAVING HAND * *SNAP*
“OH NO I DIDN’T JUST WASTE 4 MINUTES OF MY LIFE READING THIS!”

[Hambert5958]

READERS: *WAVING HAND * *SNAP*
“OH NO I DIDN’T JUST WASTE 4 MINUTES OF MY LIFE READING THIS!”

It actually took me a little less than 1/2 a Brady Bunch episode................Kept reminiscing 'bout those **** losses.......plus I'm a slow reader............

[will8605]

I can honestly say I took last years game pretty hard, it could be that my best friend is a packer fan, we had been friends for years and his loyalty to his team was never a problem for me, I admit during halftime I locked myself in my room and sat there just trying to figure out how we were letting this happen, I admit I have for the most part blocked out the entire Superbowl including commercials except for Ben's last pass dropping to the turf. It took me about a month to get back to normal, fortunately I was bartending for a Steeler Bar at the time and they helped me through it. This year I took a little better, I honestly think that this was a blessing in disguise, I would have hated for the Ravens to have the luxury of beating us in the playoffs, yes I do believe we could have beaten the Patriots but at what cost?

[vandelay industries]

[Palmetto Steel]

It took me longer than 4 minutes as well... But then again, most folks know that I'm "slow"....

... Very entertaining as usual, bdeff...

[bdeff]

Thank you, thank you....

*SALLY FIELD MOMENT* You like me, you really really like me

[Steelreign]

Bdeff, for some reason the Super Bowl XLV loss didn't make me angry, it was more of a shellshocked feeling. It left me with that "it's over....anti-climatic" feeling of no more football until next season. I was just kinda empty and unfeeling inside until of all things.......the Pirates 41/2 month run. The Pirates got me out of my post Super Bowl loss emotional catatonia. Great Article.